Why good men should learn to play the guitar

“To learn music is to learn a whole new language”

The idea of learning a musical instrument as an adult is confronting and falls into the category of ‘too hard’ for many. If you didn’t keep playing or participating in a music program at school through your teens, chances are you stopped at the first opportunity to focus on more ‘masculine’ ventures such as competitive sport or chasing girls. If only we knew then what we know now. And what do we know? We know that the guitarist is actually the one that got the girls.

What are the benefits

The benefits of learning a musical instrument as an adult are hugely beneficial in numerous ways. Firstly, lets talk about just the simple firing up of your brain activity. Learning how to interpret music or follow a chord chart whilst learning guitar activates all four cortex’s of the brain. Essentially it fires up the grey matter which is then coordinated through the physical action of manipulating not only the non-master hand in chords, but also the master hand at strumming. This alone improves the dexterity of your fingers and works your cognitive functions.

So basically, it’s like taking your brain to the gym and working it over like a muscle group.

The benefits of children learning a musical instrument are well documented. These benefits aren’t just restricted to children. They’re there for you as an adult as well. Imagine being able to increase your cerebral cortex by 30% and also improve your verbal communication skills as you grow your ability to interpret tone. This can help your leadership skills as well by making you a better communicator when actively listening to people. The added benefit is that your social skills, just a child’s, will improve as well.

Self confidence is also a benefit to learning a musical instrument that people don’t give enough credit to as well. No one expects you to play publicly, unless of course you feel the need to perform after that third wine or fifth beer. If that’s the case, having the confidence to pick up a guitar and play for your friends will make you feel empowered and confident. Even if you suck, give it a go.

Playing guitar to relax

Using music as a means to relax is something that most people do already, but the playing of music to relax takes you to a whole new level of chill. Because playing a guitar requires so much of your attention, there is no room for those thoughts that are keeping your stress levels up. By picking up a guitar and practicing three chords and a simple strumming pattern for 10 minutes is nearly guaranteed to take the edge of your day.

Shifting both your conscious and sub-conscious to playing music really does clear the mind and put things back into perspective. So if your finding yourself struggling with the grind of day to day life, pick up a guitar and start playing. After a few minutes you will find that the stress levels are down and problems don’t seem so big anymore.

Where do you start?

Funnily enough, you need to have access to a guitar. You don’t need anything expensive. Just look on-line for a second hand one. Plenty of people have attempted to start playing and given up. So the second hand market is well populated with acoustic guitars going cheap. Once you have a guitar, download a simple application on your phone such as ‘Yousician’. It will help you tune your guitar and give you some early wins on the start of your musical journey.

Once you have a guitar that is some what tuned, start thinking about the music you like to listen to and search ‘Youtube’ for a lesson for beginners in how to play your favorite songs. There is no shortage of musicians running channels focused on providing beginner lessons. Once you have your guitar and some basic chords, another good tool is the ‘Ultimate Guitar’ application which will give you plenty of information such as chords, strumming patterns and lyrics if you want to sing as well.

Just get started

Like everything, the hardest part is just starting. Your journey of self empowerment means you need to start doing things that you might not normally do. In this case, it’s something solely dedicated for you. This is about you learning something for you and you alone. You don’t have to share your new musical abilities with anyone other than yourself and you alone will reap the benefits.

The important things is that you start.

Go!

Why men need to train with kettle-bells

“Doing the perfect kettle-bell swing alone is superior to 99 percent of the sophisticated strength and conditioning programs out there.

Pavel Tsatsouline (CEO and Founder of Strong First)

Male empowerment

If the Russians are using them for strength training, then they work.

There is no doubt that strength athletes from Russia and the surrounding Eastern European countries are considered the authority on strength training. Maybe not the anti-doping topic or advocates for clean competition, but when it comes to men and women being able to pick up, move and put down weight, they’re the ones to listen to.

Developed at the end of the 18th Century, the original kettle-bells were used as counter weights to measure crop harvests. They then started to make an appearance in strongman exhibitions as parts of travelling circuses. In recent times they have grown in popularity and can now be found in nearly every commercial or home gym. Why? They’re effective.

Watch any infomercial on television and you’ll see bulky and complicated equipment that is nearly guaranteed to either gather dust for the rest of its life under a bed or go to the tip. What you won’t see is a paid model swinging 16 kg of cold steel over their head while the hosts talk about the benefits of the kettle-bell and how it will melt away the belly fat faster than any other activity. Why not? Because the market they’re pitching to isn’t interested in hard work and effort. The overweight house wives and their soft husbands aren’t interested in the callouses, sweat, suffering or straight up physical and mental anguish a good kettle-bell work out brings. They’re also not interested in real results.

So what sort of kettle-bell should you get?

Just making time for a quick search online for kettle-bells will demonstrate how the market has numerous different variations and aesthetically appealing versions of kettle-bells. Some are just plain black. Others are pink with soft handles or plastic casings to some how appeal to those who are worried about their nails or hands. There are even adjustable kettle-bells that can have weight added or taken off to suit your ability.

But in the famous words of the former Black Flag front man, Henry Rollins, ‘200 pounds will always weigh 200 pounds’.         

Regardless of how much your kettle-bell weighs or what it looks like, if you’re going to buy anything for the physical self-improvement of yourself as a man, buy a kettle-bell. Plain black and powder finished. 16 kg is a good all-round weight as you’re starting out because it’s not too heavy or too light. Treat yourself to some lifting chalk as well and start picking it up, swinging it and putting it down.

The list of exercises you can do with a kettle-bell are almost endless. Just walking with it is an effort in itself due to the core stability required and grip strength. Funnily enough, walking with two of them is called a ‘Farmers Carry’. So why not buy two of the same weight at the same time.

How do kettle-bells benefit you?

The use of kettle-bells whilst pursuing the concept of functional fitness, that being preparing your body for real life movements and activities, is an excellent idea. Squatting, carrying, reaching, pulling, pushing, walking, running and lifting are the just some of the activities human beings need to be able to do repeatedly and effectively in their day to day lives. For men seeking to improve themselves, this is an excellent concept to research and follow.

Additionally, functional fitness is where men seeking self-improvement need to be looking. Why? Because it will help with everything else in your day-to-day life. Why train for something that will never present itself as a problem or challenge in real life? Loaded barbells on a flat bench press aren’t going to suddenly appear in front of you, but perhaps having to lift, drag or push a large object off of someone you care about will? Either way, using a training methodology that benefits your health, life and that of the people around you can’t be a bad idea.  

In summary

And finally, constant work outs with a kettle-bell will make your hands harder and tougher. Callouses will start to form and when your wife or significant other feels them on their body, somewhere deep down she will be impressed with the rough and calloused hands of an empowered man. One that is physically capable, strong and intelligent. That alone is reason enough to start gripping and ripping some large kettle-bells with gusto and testosterone.

So where can you get a kettle-bell? Just about any where is the answer. How do you use it? Well, that information is easy to come by as well. A simple online search into ‘Basic Kettle-bell Workouts for beginners will set you on the way forward. No matter what you do though, make sure it’s hard and that you initially regret it. If it sucks, you know it’s working.

The important thing is that you start.

Go!

Keeping your cool when under pressure.

“Integrity is doing the right thing. Even when no one is watching.”

C.S. Lewis

How to keep your cool

It’s not easy when you find yourself the subject of some else’s deception and attempt at distraction. Especially when you’ve been holding up your end of the bargain. When your integrity or professional ability becomes questioned by others that may be higher in the organisational hierarchy, the twisting anger in the stomach and clenched fists are a natural reaction.

The temptation to go on the attack sits just below the surface and the desire to start laying out the hard truths for all to see seems to be a naturally justified course of action that surely everyone around you would support. However, it’s not the best way forward. Take your time. It’s sweeter in the end.

Carry out the immediate action drill

Moments like this usually arise when your accuser/s have been found to be deficient in their own department and instead of taking responsibility, look for a sacrificial lamb to throw on the alter of deception. This is a short-sighted option that damages relationships and undermines their own integrity. The absolute worst thing you can do in this situation is play into their trap. By giving into your instinctive urges to go on the immediate attack isn’t the way to deal with it. The best way to defend yourself is to let them swim into the deep end where it’s murky with their lies.

The best way to defend yourself is to let them swim into the deep end where it’s murky with their lies.

By keeping your cool and ensuring a calm demeanor you will solidify your reputation as a man that can remain calm and grounded under pressure. The ability to rationally defend yourself and speak to facts calmly will completely help defuse any investigation or suspicion into your performance or actions. Your accusers on the other hand are left with their hollow accusations and the cold truth that you have nothing to answer for. And what’s even better is that this is what people remember.

Why keeping your cool is a good character trait for men

The mark of an emotionally immature man is to let emotions and anger bubble over the edge and start the counter accusations. This is the worst thing you can do as your argument will only be heard and interpreted as a defensive rant. By taking a breath and making the conscious effort to emotionally separate yourself from the issue will show people around you just what a cool and calm guy you are. Reliable under pressure and rational in your judgments and response. These are desirable traits for men to pursue and the people around you will recognise these character traits in you.

Admit when you’re wrong

The other side of this conversation is that if you know you have dropped the ball and done the wrong thing. If that is the case, and occasionally it will be, own it straight away. Take big bites of that shit sandwich and chew it like a man. Weak men avoid taking responsibility for the things they get wrong and seek to deflect and distract. Good men fight the urge down and look further forward than seeking comfort in temporary immediate self-preservation. If you’ve done the wrong thing, say so. And as you take ownership, start the process of explaining how you’re going to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

In summary, keep your cool and play the long game. It’s chess not checkers.   

Why men need to start educating themselves.

“Education is the passport to the future, for tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today.”

Malcolm X

Why men need to start educating themselves

An education is powerful. Most problems in this world can be fixed with access to a balanced education. Whether it be pulling a culture out of grinding poverty or even convincing a nation of people to pursue a more progressive culture, education has the ability to change someones opportunities and what could be referred to as fate. It achieves this through stimulating the imagination and develops an idea of what could be.

To provide an insight into a life full of dreams becoming reality. Why do we continually see people from developing nations come to first world nations? It’s to access education and opportunity for themselves and their families in the hope of providing better opportunities for the unborn generations after them. People die trying to grasp the opportunity to better themselves. So what are you doing to better yourself? What are you prepared to sacrifice?

The education system is ran at state level and outcomes generally vary. Ask any parent that has had to move their children interstate and start them in a different school. The differences are significant. And don’t even try to even breach the subject of a standardised national education system with any bureaucrat from an education board. You’ll be liable for the autistic screeching that will no doubt ensue. Differences between the states aside, lets talk about education after school.

Your education doesn’t stop

For a great number of men, they have progressed with varying levels of success through secondary school and entered the work force in some capacity. Some, but not as many ten years ago, progress on to a tertiary education in a University with the hope of gaining a higher paying form of employment in some specialist field. For a great number of young men that enter the work force, the dreary and at times pointless time spent listening to teachers is forgotten about as they start developing the skills required to operate safely and productively in their chosen employment.

Little did they know that the time spent sitting in a class room was actually preparing them for this moment in their life. The seemingly meaningless lessons on information that ‘couldn’t possibly help outside of school’ was in fact teaching a valuable skill known as problem solving.

It’s really all about your attitude

Skills, knowledge and attitude are the traits required of men. The most important being attitude. Skills can be trained and knowledge given, but attitude trumps all. A man in any profession that has a poor attitude will not last long. Their work colleagues will grow tired of them and their employer will eventually decide their not worth keeping regardless of their skills or knowledge. Attitude over rides everything. It is the driving factor within any group as to an individuals worth and character. ‘Does he have a good attitude?’ is often the question an employer asks when considering terminating or hiring an employee.

As men that want to advance in life and pursue a better and more bountiful life, what’s your attitude towards education? Do you think it’s not for you or do you think there’s nothing else you could learn? To put it simply, if you’re not pursuing additional education in order to better yourself, you’re intellectually lazy and letting yourself and the people that care about you down. Men of value within their community are constantly learning and absorbing new information. They pursue new skills and knowledge constantly. They challenge themselves to read, learn and think about things that challenge their biases or positions on controversial subjects.

Good men actively pursue education

This isn’t so they can win arguments and be that guy that tries to intellectually tower over everyone at a dinner party. It’s so they can develop informed opinions and justify why they think or feel the way they do about a particular issue with reason and conviction.

This active pursuit of education that valued men have doesn’t come in the form of lectures, text books and class rooms. It comes in the form of making reading and learning a habitual practice in their daily routine. Whether it be before bed, as soon as they wake up or a means to relax, successful men all read and actively learn. For entertainment or knowledge it is the one trait that connects the most successful men in your community. Don’t have the time? Make time. Even if it’s only 20 minutes a day. Being able to sit and read for an extended period of time takes practice. Most academics can only read for a couple of hours before they’re done. So you’ll need to practice it. It also leads into the question of what you should be reading.

Start reading about things that matter

Human history is full of amazing stories of hardship, tragedy and success. Go to your local library and become a member. It won’t cost you a cent but will give you access to a phenomenal amount of information. Find the history or biography section and start reading about inspirational men that overcame significant struggle. War, Arctic Exploration, personal tragedy, business and natural disasters. Truly inspirational stories of human endurance await you to strive towards either replicating in your own way or using to compare and rationalise your own troubles. There are men that struggled for something bigger and everlasting than their own lives.

The men that have come before us and endured or survived to tell the tale is truly amazing. You can draw inspiration and motivation from these stories and apply them to your own life. It will help you compare your own struggles to someone that potentially endured to the point of near death and defeat only to snatch victory or life from the jaws of fate. These stories are a map for men to follow in modern society. Forget the social politics of if they were ‘good men’ by the standards of today. Chances are they were misogynist chauvinists, but that’s not why we should learn from them. We should learn from them because within the snap shot that were their lives, they made a difference. And you can to.

Don’t have time to read? Podcasts is the answer

Additionally to reading every man should have a mix of podcasts they can listen to when exercising or travelling to and from work. Turn off the mindless FM radio that consists of two idiots and some chick that laughs a lot. Start listening to conversations between people that stimulate your imagination to what you can achieve. A simple podcast application on your phone like ‘Podcast Guru’ will open you up to whatever community you’re interested in.

Stuck for ideas on what you might be interested in? Just start with the ‘Joe Rogan Podcast’. With 11 million listeners he must be doing something right. With a new episode almost daily and a complete mixed bag of guests ranging from convicted criminals to astrophysicists that are able to explain in simple terms how time and space works, you’ll suddenly start learning about subjects you didn’t know existed.

Get started today

In summary, if you want to broaden your horizons and start your journey to bettering yourself, start educating yourself. No one else is going to be as invested in your personal growth as you should be. Go to a library in your local area and pick up a bag of books. Start small, but at least start. Even if all you can manage is an audio book, start consuming information that feeds and exercises your brain. Remember that the common trait that the most successful men in the world is that they read.

Go!

Authentic Leadership Part 3 – Character and Integrity

Character

Certain character traits enhance a leaders performance and engagement with their team, such as being easy to engage with, a good listener, being firm but fair, being courteous and respectful. Other character traits can destroy a leader’s support base very quickly. Untrustworthiness, disingenuous, flippant with people’s emotions and general dishonesty are certainly qualities that will undermine a leader’s credibility in the eyes of their workers.

A leader ‘faking it until they make it’ may be able to generate some results and fool people into trusting them in the short term, but eventually their true character will be tested within their specialist field. This may be resolving a sensitive issue or perhaps their personal discipline is compromised on an ethical issue. Either way, how leaders deal with and respond to such matters will not only be judged by their superiors, but also their subordinates. If a breach of trust or their behaviour within the workplace has been questionable, the leader’s character will automatically be brought into question.

Ghandi was an authentic leader

One such example of an authentic leader that demonstrated the quality of character is Mahatma Ghandi. As a civil rights leader for most of his adult life, Mahatma Ghandi began his life as an Indian expatriate lawyer in South Africa partitioning against laws that marginalised the Indian community he believed to be unjust. This later inspired him to return to his home country of India, in 1915, and lead a civil rights movement against the British Empire employing nonviolent civil disobedience as their weapon of choice. 

Whilst Ghandi organised the impoverished people of India against their British rulers in an attempt to pursue civil rights and self rule, Ghandi experienced numerous incarcerations for extended periods. He could have lived a comfortable life as a lawyer and partitioned against the British with relative comfort, but chose to live a simple life, void of extravagance or excess in an attempt to be closer to the people he represented. This was one way of demonstrating his true character to not only his followers, but also his detractors that attempted to undermine his position amongst the people.

As Ghandi continued his struggle against injustice where ever he saw it, right up until his assassination in 1948, he demonstrated his true character. On a daily basis he followed through his statements with actions (such as fasting and confinement) and lived his life in a manner that represented his values, beliefs and made decisions in accordance with his moral compass. Mahatma Ghandi did more to help shape modern society in the developed world than any other person in the last century. By living his life with a true understanding of himself, what he believed in and what he was and was not prepared to do to achieve his goals, Mahatma Ghandi encapsulated what it truly means to be an authentic leader.      

Authentic leaders do not have to worry about being found wanting in the character department as they have enough equity to draw on that they will behave and decide on matters in accordance with their true personality. Rather than relying on a leadership style, an authentic leader understands that their role is reliant on character attributes, not a particular style.

Integrity

Of all the qualities effective leaders possess, integrity certainly deserves consideration as being vital to authentic leaders. Businessman, Warren Buffet, considers the qualities of integrity, intelligence and a high level of energy when considering hiring a new employee. He was attributed to having stated ‘if you don’t have the first, the second two don’t matter’.

Employees, supervisors and even customers expect constant displays of personal integrity and honesty from leaders within their community and business, rather than improving shareholder returns or improving the bottom line. An authentic leader can demonstrate this by consistently displaying clear messaging in regards to values and expectations along with consistent displays of a high level of integrity.            

Over a short period of time, a non-authentic leader may produce positive results, but as time passes, employees are likely to grow frustrated and disgruntled with the standard of leadership provided. This is likely to cause the transition of employees to other teams or organisations within the company or even separation from the company. The training of new staff consumes not only valuable time, but also represents a significant yearly cost to a lot of businesses. Senior management may see the positive results a dishonest unauthentic leader generates and tolerate this for a short period,  but in the long te­­rm are unlikely to tolerate a high staff turnover and cost of training new employees due to the toxic work environment a poor leader creates because of their lack of integrity.            

An authentic leader that communicates clearly with consistency in the message and demonstrates constant behaviour that has a high standard of integrity and honesty will foster a more productive and happier work place in the medium to long term. Therefore, of all the qualities that are encapsulated around the concept of authenticity in regards to leadership, integrity is vital.

Conclusion

Self awareness, self assessment, communication, character and integrity are all key themes of authentic leadership. When a leader has truly elevated levels of these qualities, they are considered to be authentic leaders. Individuals may demonstrate more of one, than another, throughout their professional lives with varied degrees of success. The lack of one compared to another may not be considered vital to the overall success of a leader or an organisation, but when considering whether or not authenticity is vital to leadership in the context of the long term, the answer has to be in the affirmative. Without authenticity as part of a leader’s creed, development as a leader and person is unlikely to take place. The leader will never promote a healthy and productive environment which will in turn contain loyal dedicated staff focused on the long term goals of the organisation. The leader will struggle in maintaining the loyalty and respect of their people when the team face difficulties and challenges. All of these things combined prove that authenticity is vital to truly effective leadership.    

Authentic Leadership-Part 2- Self Assessment

Self assessment is crucial for authentic leadership

Critical self assessment and being honest with one’s self during periods of reflection, demonstrates maturity and a heightened knowledge of strengths and weaknesses. For an authentic leader, this is a constant process and strengthens their ability to make good choices when presented with decisions that need to be made based off limited information in situations of potential turbidity.

This particular quality is developed over time, as a leader experiences triumphs, but more importantly from the perspective of personal development, failures and defeats. This is due to the fact that more is learnt from mistakes and failures than from victories. It is easy for a leader to congratulate themselves and receive praise when everything is going well for them and their team, but it is harder for a leader to perform their function during times of adversity, turmoil and heading in an unknown direction.

By conducting critical self assessment, an authentic leader not only learns and evolves as a leader, but they also develop self confidence. Self confidence is generated by having a heightened level of self awareness, realistic process of self assessment and a tough and affirmative sense of self worth. For a leader to demonstrate the attributes and attitude required to install confidence within their followers, they must have a heightened level of self confidence in order to feel comfortable in making decisions under pressure and stress.  

A leader that lacks the ability to look at their own performance, attitudes and behaviours with a focus on critical self analysis, may be able to achieve limited outcomes that are acceptable in the short term, but they will never fully develop and improve their authentic leadership qualities or personality in the medium to long term.    

Communication is critical for genuine leaders

As a leader travels through the constant process of self evaluation, a genuine leader will rarely conduct this process in isolation, and will seek input from mentors, peers and even subordinates. The ability to have honest conversations, without hubris, in order to gain others opinions and observations on a leaders performance is vital to improvement and self reflection. Only by having open channels of communication, that dialogue can travel to and from a leader, can an individual be made aware of flaws in their performance or character.

Criticism is not always easy to process as the natural reaction to negative feedback is to immediately feel defensive and justify why decisions or actions have been made. These negative emotions can cause a leader to become ‘closed off’ to feedback, both positive and negative, when it is given from an individual a leader may consider inferior in experience, status or capability.

Maturity and Openness

Authentic leaders have the quality of maturity and openness with the people around them. They engage with their personnel regularly, both formally and informally, in settings their employees feel comfortable in, promoting the sharing of information. They demonstrate active listening techniques and listen more than they talk, coaxing information from the other person.   

Without this, a leader can potentially go through the process of self reflection, only using information they have self generated to guide them. Authentic leaders have the humility, honesty and maturity to listen to and assess others observations and assessments of their performance as part of the ongoing self awareness process. A leader that does not ask for, seek or accept input from the people around them will not promote communication as a key theme within their team. As part of their leadership ethos, their work force needs to feel that they can freely pass information vertically and laterally.

A genuine leader will be thirsty for input in an attempt to improve themselves and to not just validate decisions that have been made, but to learn from them. A leader that does not promote communication, up and down the organisation, will lack the ability to remain in touch with not only their people, but also themselves. In short, communication should be considered vital for leadership to be effective.           

Authentic Leadership Part 1 – Introduction and Self Awareness.

“People are always judging you based on where you’re from, where you went to school, how you look, how you talk. But at the end of the day, you’re going to have to look into the mirror and accept who you are. It’s all about being authentic.”

Andre Carson

Authentic leaders and authenticity describes the quality or condition of being authentic, trustworthy or genuine. Self awareness, self assessment, character and integrity are qualities that effective leaders have possessed throughout history, in endeavors ranging from religion, politics, business and war. Of all the character traits effective leaders possess, authenticity is a common theme throughout history.

Fundamentally, a leader must possess the ability to inspire, motivate, cajole, coerce and lead people to achieve goals or outcomes. These goals may not be considered personally important or personally worthwhile by their followers. These outcomes are unachievable in the long term if a leader is considered to lack authenticity. Authenticity within a leader is vital, particularly when considering a long term approach.

Why self-awareness is crucial

Effective authentic leaders possess one of the most important qualities required; self awareness. A clear understanding of their personality and inner workings assists a leader in judging, understanding and controlling their emotions when in difficult situations. This in turn enables them to maintain their composure and have a clear understanding of what it is they are trying to achieve and how they are going to do it.

An effective leader must have a very clear understanding of their personal values and morals as well as what is considered ethical. These act as a barometer for measuring decisions as right or wrong. They may be ethical decisions, or morally based, that will be made in accordance with their internal ‘moral compass’. Our moral and ethical compass is set for human beings from a very young age. The way people are raised by not only parents, but also a community, shapes the definition of what is considered right and what is considered wrong during the formative years.

Develop your moral compass

When a leader is presented with choices of a moral or ethical nature, they may need to conduct a quick self assessment against what they consider to be acceptable. History is heavily populated with examples of leaders that made poor decisions based on their moral and ethical compass. One example is that of cyclist and seven time Tour de France winner, Lance Armstrong.

Armstrong dominated professional cycling having survived testicular cancer from 1999 to 2005 by winning the Tour de France consecutively. Having aggressively denied doping allegations for most of his professional career, he eventually admitted to systemic performance enhancing drug use throughout all seven victories, in 2013.

The example set by Armstrong is a good illustration of when a leader makes a decision that is clearly wrong and against a set of morals and ethics, yet somehow justified internally. As the lie and the actions are repeated it becomes easier to subdue the effect of the moral reasoning to a point where the lie becomes a version of the truth.             

A good man has a moral compass

In more recent times, numerous examples of white collar crime represent poor choices that have been made by leaders when presented with opportunity for personal gain. These leaders may have achieved their positions through effort, performance and results, but were ultimately brought undone, over the long term, due to having a lack of understanding of what was consider ethically right and morally acceptable. 

One very good example of an individual listening to their moral compass was a former employee of President Nixon’s administration in the United States of America, in 1972, by the name of Jon Huntsman. He accepted a position working directly for President Nixon’s chief of staff, essentially the second most powerful person in the USA, if not the world. When instructed to take unscrupulous actions against a congressman, that had not been supportive of the administration, he refused.

Huntsman accredited the values he had carried with him since childhood as the guiding force that prevented him from following the directions that would have caused the downfall of an innocent rival politician. Within six months, Jon Huntsman had sought employment elsewhere as he was considered to be disloyal by the chief of staff from that point forth. He was to later enjoy a very successful life as a businessman and philanthropist working to fund cancer research. 

Know thy self

The example set by Jon Huntsman is a clear illustration of what leaders can achieve by having a well developed sense of self. Only by having a very clear understanding of where their moral compass is pointing will a genuine leader have the ability to measure their decisions during periods of reflection. A leader that has a loose moral compass may generate effectiveness for a short period of time, but at some point they are highly likely to make bad decisions that will have serious consequences attached to them. One such example would be the late Alan Bond of Australia.

The infamous businessman, yachting sponsor, corporate criminal and former Australian of the year achieved notoriety when he pleaded guilty to using his position to embezzle funds from a company in 1997 and was subsequently sentenced to seven years’ incarceration. Alan Bond may very well have started his business dealings in an honourable manner initially, but at some point made decisions that were not only illegal, but also knowingly morally and ethically wrong.         

Therefore, a strong self awareness with regard to personal values may not be vital to a leader’s performance and success in the short term, but most certainly is crucial in the medium to long term success of authentic leaders their company or organisation.         

Good men work through conflict with difficult people

“I have been put in a group with Alex and I hate him! He never contributes and I end up having to do all the work.”

I’ve just walked through the door and made the fateful mistake of asking one of my daughters how her day was and she has launched into a rant about how frustrated she is with having to work on a project at school with a boy she doesn’t like.

The usual mature adult response passes my lips consisting of noble statements such as “You don’t need to like him. You just need to work with him” and “You won’t get to choose who you work with after you leave school so figure it out”. Other pearls of wisdom are dispensed but seem to fall flat. The reality is that I get it. It never gets easier and it never changes no matter how much older you get. You always come across people you don’t like and never will. You will always struggle to greet them in the morning with a polite and friendly smile and meaningless warm words. But does it really need to be this way?

I recall having to work with a guy that was younger and less experienced than myself, but due to the nature of the industry, he was actually in charge of our team of about 25 people. He held the position of authority and responsibility for the success or failure of our group. Behind the scenes though, the discussion was always focused on what I was doing to help him or was I undermining him. That chewed away at me because I knew that if I undermined him the consequences would be dire for both of us, so I worked at maintaining a workable relationship with him.

Sometimes you don’t get a choice

Coming to work in the mornings I would feel sick at the thought of having to greet him and share space with him. The members of our team knew there was friction between us and started to question his directions by looking at me during team briefings for an indication if I agreed with what he was saying or not. I did my best to maintain a neutral expression and give nothing away to what I actually thought for fear of being perceived as being unsupportive. Difficult with a young and inexperienced work force that were looking to me for some indication as to whether or not our team was on the right path.

So what options did I have in front of me? I had numerous options. The problem at the time was I didn’t have the experience to recognise them let alone use them. I hadn’t had any really education or training in conflict resolution and even the communication skills to tackle the problem. So I continued to struggle through with a date on the calendar when it would end due to the team being split up for a different task. It was only afterwards that I recognised the options I had in front of me and recognised that I should have dealt with the problem much earlier. With the benefit of 20/20 hindsight, this is what I would have done.

What to do first

The first thing I should have done is look inwards first and conduct some serious self-assessment. With the benefit of some hindsight, I came to the realisation that I was in fact a big part of the problem. My ego had felt threatened by being the number two to a guy that had the education to be in charge but not the experience to fulfill the role as I thought he should. My ego had taken a hit and I felt that my status within the organisation was threatened. And in other ways I felt my competence and subject knowledge was being questioned when my suggestions weren’t being implemented.

In reality, they were being considered, they just weren’t being implemented 100% of the time. My ego didn’t like it and I either consciously or subconsciously thought that the other team members were questioning my own credibility because of this. If I could go back and do it all again, I would have sat with myself and investigated what I was actually thinking and pulled apart the issue to see what I was contributing to the problem. It would have hurt and felt uncomfortable, but I really should have shelved my ego and looked inwards.

Good men open up the communication

The second thing I would have done much earlier is actually open the subject up for discussion with the person and explained in detail what I thought the problem was. And the first part of that conversation would have been me owning my part of the issue. I certainly wouldn’t have rolled into it using words such as ‘You’. It would have sounded more along the lines of “I think I have….” or “I’m not happy with how I have handled this because…”. Basically, I would have shelved my ego and thrown myself on the humility grenade early to get the hardest bit out of the way early. That way all of the uncomfortable bits of the dead cat for myself would have been on the table at the start.

Communication skills, both verbal and non-verbal ,and humility in a situation like this is imperative. So no crossing of arms or legs if you’re sitting. No hands on hips or pointing with your hand and most certainly no raised voices or swearing. It’s not about allocating blame. It’s all about owning the problem and being honest.

Good men establish some common ground

Lastly, I would have made sure we had found some common ground to operate on at the end of the conversation having accepted that our goals and hopes for success were in fact entwined. As difficult as this would have been for us to admit, it was true. The people you get saddled up with aren’t there because they have set out to fail or do a bad job. They are pursuing success themselves and are motivated to achieving it. So with the benefit of hindsight, even if the conversation in step two went badly, I would have made sure we both left understanding that we wanted the same thing at a minimum.

Hindsight is beautiful

So if I could go back and do it all again, of course it would have been different. I would have conducted some self-assessment first. And I mean that real stuff where you feel uncomfortable. Secondly, I’d have followed that up by actually communicating with the other half of the problem like a mature adult. Kept it simple and honest by explaining what I thought was happening, without allocating blame, and accepting that I was half of it. And lastly, I would have ensured we both left the conversation with a very clear understanding that, regardless of future disagreements, we would both approach things in the future from a position of mutual respect and understanding that we both wanted the same thing. Success.

Trying to explain these ideas to an emotional teenager with even a remote expectation of them either understanding or attempting to use them is probably expecting too much, but for adults, it should be easily relatable. We’ve all been in these situations before and look back with hindsight wishing we had done things differently. So I challenge you to do it differently the next time you have conflict in a relationship at work or a sporting team. Perhaps even within your own family. Lean into the problem, take ownership of the problem and take action to make it better rather than thinking it will improve by itself because it won’t.